At last I have finished designing my current blanket, and I can begin to play with colour.
As I said in my last post, it’s not been an easy journey so far – my mind and energy still being so very taken up with Mum’s death and all the attendant emotion and paperwork – but I am getting there, slowly.
Jumping into colour is always a lovely moment. I like working up in a single colour first, concentrating on the texture and the shapes I want to create before introducing colour to the mix, but it’s always so fantastic to be able to leap into a full palette. Suddenly my design is transformed, and parts of it that I knew existed, but that were sometimes hidden by the monochrome, become vibrant and bold.
That said, colour isn’t without its own problems. For each of my blankets (with a very few, rare exceptions), I’ve had at the very least a wobble over colours, and in several cases that wobble has tipped further over into dropping a colour or substituting it. And this afternoon, working on the first colour piece of this blanket, I had such a wobble, and decided to drop a colour. Bye-bye, cornish blue. You’re a lovely colour, but not quite right for this palette.
So I’ll go forward with five blues instead of six, but at least I made the decision before I’d started using the cornish blue – i.e., before I had to rip loads out…
It’s keeping me busy. Idleness is the enemy, right now – idleness of mind, anyway. Physically I’m struggling, exhausted and still feeling so worn down by the last six months of Mum’s life and the two months (so far) of not having her. But keeping busy mentally, whether that’s crocheting or watching a dvd boxset or reading books that I’ve read so often they’re more like familiar friends than mere words printed on a page…that’s crucial. It doesn’t stop me missing her (nothing does that) but it stops me curling up into a ball and screaming. Which makes me sound like I’m not coping, but I promise I am. It’s just hard. Designing this blanket without her as a sounding board is hard. But it’s the first one; after this, it’ll get a little bit easier. Right?
It’s not all gloom and angst, so please don’t imagine it is 🙂 the kittens are a wonderful distraction, and though last week barely got above freezing, there are snowdrops out in my garden and the green shoots of crocuses and daffodils are vigourously pushing their way out of the earth. Life goes on. As it should.