I’ve been nosying through my recent projects, trying to work out what I can share with you all. Despite the paucity of my blog posts, I’ve actually been crocheting quite a lot lately – it’s just most of it is for Christmas presents, and I’m never 100% sure which of my ‘real life’ people reads my blog at all. I definitely do not want to spoil Christmas for anyone, but at the same time, I’m very aware that I’m averaging about one blog post a month, which isn’t as much as I used to write, nor as much as I would ideally like to write going forwards.

Much of that, this year, has been because of the obvious – missing Mum, mourning her, and slowly coming to grips with the shape of my life without her, which doesn’t leave much room for writing about crochet. This autumn has been particularly hard. There have been dates that, in the future, won’t mean so much but that this year, the first year, have hit hard. The last time she left this house, where she raised me and where we became two best friends living together. The day she was transferred from the hospital to the hospice. The leaves have changed colour in the garden, there’s a chill in the air, the grape vine over the pergola is attracting all the birds, and Mum isn’t here to see it. It’s okay, but hard, and having no functioning oven for more than a month definitely didn’t help! (yes, it’s fixed now, thank god, and I’ve been baking like crazy to make up for the lack of it for so long).

And of course in a couple of weeks is the big date. The one that will always be hard. The anniversary of her death. I absolutely cannot believe it’s been a year. That just doesn’t make sense to me. I just don’t know how it’s happened.

However, Christmas is coming, and I have always loved the run up to Christmas. I love baking, making gifts, shopping for gifts, decorating the house – the whole thing. Much of it was the shared joy of it – making mince pies with Mum, decorating the tree, making sure there’s plenty of good food and good alcohol, choosing just the right present for this friend or that.

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel, this year. This time of year is always, inevitably going to be tinged with sadness for me, now. Mum died on the 11th – exactly a fortnight before Christmas. But I know what she’d say, if I let ‘a silly little thing like her dying’ get in the way of enjoying the season (yes, those would be her words. I know they would be. She would be utterly frustrated with me, in a sad kind of a way!).

And although I was hoping not to be here for this ‘first’ Christmas (last year doesn’t count for my brother and I; we were in limbo after she died and before the funeral in January), since it’s now looking inevitable that I am going to be here, I’m working hard to focus on enjoying one more Christmas in the home she created for us, before moving on to my new forever home and the new Christmases to come in the future.

So I am diving headlong into my usual Christmas preparations – which, for the purposes of this blog, means there’s very little I can share with you all, for the above-stated reason of not wanting anybody to see their Christmas present early!

However, I am currently working on a wreath that I’ve been commissioned to make – for the youngest daughter of the family who are buying the house from us 😀 they very kindly said that the house won’t be the same without my crochet, and would I make a wreath for the bedroom door of their nature-and-insect-loving youngest daughter. So I’m busily crocheting ladybirds, butterflies and bees for a wreath, and I’ll definitely be able to share all that with you before Christmas!

Meanwhile, have a selection of pictures I’ve taken on my phone over the last couple of weeks, just to prove that I really have been alive and aware of the world around me 😀


8 thoughts on “

  1. You need the time to heal. A blog post a month is still a blog post. My Mum passed away October 2003. Her birthday is the 23rd December. Does it get any easier, I’d like to say it does. During those difficult moments I try to keep myself busy. But there will always be the times when you wish she was here. Just to share those times. A leaf falling, a robin coming to say hi, a butterfly perched nearby all reminders that they are close by and forever with you in your heart. Hugs x

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  2. How lovely of the new owners to ask for a piece of your work to stay on when your beloved home becomes their new home. That’s very special and such a kind thought. Your mum will always be with you, in your heart and your precious memories.

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    1. They’re a lovely family, which makes it easier for me to leave – I’m not selling our home, I’m passing it on to a family who have fallen in love with it, and who will take care of it as their forever home 🙂

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  3. I lost my mom in January, so this will be my first Christmas with out her. I miss her so much, I think of all the fun times we two had together. 2 days before she passed away ( here in our home) she told me ” Dont cry be happy for me for I’m going to a better place” So I feel your pain Catherine, we need time to grive and we have our beautiful memories of our mum’s. It’s great that you will be moving into your new home, make a new start in life. You will always have your mum in your heart where ever you go. For Christmass I’ll be making our traditional Christmass cookies that we make here in Greece, and this recepie’s are passed down from my great grandmother. The truth is I dont know if I want to put up the Christmass tree. Its wonderful your making a wreath for the new owners daughter. God bless you, you have a beautiful kind soul. Happy crocheting. ~Sofia~

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